The Awakening
by EbonyCircles
Summary: Five years of being a vampire, five years of dealing with something that threatens to tear Bella and Edward a part. But how can you fight something that isn't tangible? How do you protect yourself?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing….absolutely nothing, not the characters or the settings those belong to the esteemed Stephanie Meyer. The quote is from Kate Chopin's The Awakening.

"But the beginning of things, of a world especially, is necessarily vague, tangled, chaotic, and exceedingly disturbing. How few of us ever emerge from such a beginning!"

Kate Chopin

The Awakening

* * *

When one is a vampire time flies and keeping track seems foolish. Well I've been called worse things then foolish, it was five years, five years without aging, five years without my original family, and five years of being a vampire. Five years of pain, fighting, and heartbreak. My greatest wish had become my greatest torment. I could do this, I sighed, it would be for the best, and perhaps some time apart would mend the rifts between Edward and myself.

Alice wandered in while I was packing. "So you're really leaving then?" she asked folding herself gracefully into a chair. Her face was glum, and I hated to admit that it was my fault. I hated to hurt people, especially my newfound family, most of who wouldn't know about it until I was gone. While I was doing this to try to save my marriage, I was hurting other who cared about me to in the process. I simply nodded, choking back tears, and shoved the last of my clothes into a bag.

It had all been planned, very fast and with the greatest secrecy, because when you are dealing with a mind reader keeping anything confidential is an impossible task. Yet, still plans had been made, Edward went out hunting as usual with Emmett, and now it was time for all of my carefully laid plans to be put in action. Tickets had been purchased, ID's made, bank accounts opened, no detail over looked, and nothing left for chance.

She studied me for a minute and shook her head. Alice didn't get it, though she saw the future it seemed that it was hard for her to see what was happening in the present. At times I felt like screaming at her, 'Don't you see that I've tried, for five years I've been there and tried to make this work and I can't do it anymore!'

"Bella—"

"Don't," I started, if she finished I knew that I wouldn't have the courage to continue with my plan. "Please Alice," I begged.

"Bella I don't think this is a good idea."

"Then what is? In all of your infinite wisdom Alice what would you have me do?" I snapped at her the anger finally getting the better of me. I hated to do this to Alice, she was my best friend and sister, but it would work better if she was kept out of the loop. Alice merely pursed her lips in frustration and continued.

"I think this course of action is stupid, reckless, and will ultimately hurt you both."

I knew she was right, and somehow I couldn't care less, Edward needed some kind of wake-up call, besides if I stayed I would just continue to hurt.

"Bella," Rosalie entered beaming in all of her golden glory. We hadn't exactly become friends in the last few years, but we had moved on to acquaintances. This newfound friendship, however, did not hide her excitement about getting me out of the way. "Carlisle wanted me to give you this." She laid a plan ticket on the bed before adding "And I wanted to give you this," she said it rather begrudgingly, but she pulled out an I-pod and threw it on top of the ticket. Alice picked up the ticket looking at the departure and the arrival.

Alice raised an eyebrow. "You know Edward will never fall for this."

"That's the point," I replied stuffing the device in my bag. I grabbed the ticket from Alice's grip, swung my bag over my shoulder and headed out the door. I sensed Alice following me but I didn't stop or slow my pace the faster this was done the better. She did catch up to me in the garage.

"Bella, stop." She rested her ice-cold hands on the handlebars of my motorcycle.

"Alice, please, let go." An internal battle ragged across her perfect face, but she finally came to a decision.

"It's stupid –" She blurted out, the frustration that she had kept in check exploded. "You think this will solve all of your problems."

"Alice if you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem," I hissed, grabbing her wrists, "Let go."

"So now I'm just like him—a—a problem," she stammered, "something to be dealt with? Is that it?"

"He's not the problem," I whispered not sure if even her fine tuned vampire sense could hear me. No, he would never be the problem. I didn't even know what the true problem was, but staying here and being in a constant silent battle with someone you love wasn't going to help me sign an armistice any time soon.

When she spoke again all of the irritation had washed away. "You are coming back aren't you?"

"Alice I thought you could see the future?" I joked hoping to lighten the dark mood.

"Well I can, but you know how it is when people change their minds, I've seen twenty different futures and I'm not entirely sure which one to follow."

I sighed and reached into my jacket pocket. "Here," I said handing her the letter I had written earlier in the day. "Give this to Edward will you? And wish me luck." I smiled though I truly felt like crying, turned the key and hit the gas.

"Luck." My sensitive ears picked up as I sped down the drive.

The splendid pleasure that I first experienced when riding, has not faded with time. The smooth velvet voice still rings in my ears, chastising me for my foolishness, but I can't care if all goes according to plan—well I won't go there just yet. I park the bike in short term parking at the airport, no doubt one of my family members will come by and pick it up, if not well there's always that new model I've been looking at. The airport was packed with travelers, I fought back the nagging need to feed, which was good the more people to look at allowing me to go unnoticed.

I wondered into a store and purchased a larger suitcase, at another store I got clothing. I hurried to the check-in counter attached an identification ticket to the new case filled with new clothes I checked the bag for the ticket Carlisle bought, that plane was going to Alaska, to bad I wouldn't be there to meet my newly purchased luggage. I repeated the process with another ticket I had purchased the day before, this time it was headed to New York. I had been careful when planting these false destinations nothing over-seas, that might have pushed him past where I wanted him. However, if he was smart and read the letter all the way the only thing he would need was one plane ticket and maybe a little grand-theft auto.

After planting a few false leads, I checked in to my actual flight to Seattle.

* * *

A/N: Alright I'm sure there are about a million questions running through your head right now, and I promise Bella will start spilling her guts in the next chapter, and Edward will come in there too. But I will tell you that the inspiration for this story came from a topic on another website about whether Bella and Edward have communication problems. Personally I think they do and this is how Bella deals with Edward, and visa versa. Thanks for reading and if you feel the need please leave a review. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing….absolutely nothing, not the characters or the settings those belong to the esteemed Stephanie Meyer. The quote is from Kate Chopin's The Awakening.

Chapter 2

There was a certain cloud that hung over the house when Emmett and me arrived late Saturday. Emmett went off to find Rosalie, while I wandered around looking for Bella. I didn't find Bella, but I did find Alice sitting in the living room folding clothes. If I had been unsure about the mood of the house before, I now had all the proof I needed. For Alice never does house hold chores, except when she's very upset. Jasper had informed me that when I left Bella when she was still human, Alice scrubbed the house daily. However, she wasn't letting me into her mind; I wasn't going to pry. But by the look in her eyes, it was going to be me and not the clothes that went through the wringer.

"Is Bella down here?" I asked eager to get out before her rage erupted.

"No."

"Is she upstairs?"

"Nope."

"Is she here?"

"Wrong again." That's when she exploded, the barriers went up and her anger flooded my mind.

_She left you idiot_, her voice hissed in my head, _and it's all your fault_. I was lucky that Jasper walked in, spreading a calm feeling over the room. My head ached from Alice's attack and it was clear by the lines of stress on her face that she was attempting to fight Jasper's hold.

"Alice," he whispered.

"NO," she screamed, "I will not calm down, so stop trying to make me. Bella left, left and it's Edward's fault." Hearing the words echo in the open-ness of the living room finally made the connection with my brain.

"She left?" I asked in shear disbelief.

_Yes,_ her voice croon in my head, she went to….but I never did get from Alice where she went.

It was Rosalie who supplied that bit of information. "Alaska." She was leaning against the wall Emmett standing behind her. "And it would be nice if you two would take this outside it's making Esme even more upset."

"Gee Rose I didn't know you cared about anyone but yourself," Alice still fighting Jasper's power snapped.

"Alice," Rosalie warned standing straight, "I am going to forgive you for that only because you're severely unhinged at the moment, but make another comment like that and not even your husband will be able to stop me."

Before Alice could react to Rosealie's threat Jasper spoke up, "Perhaps, darling you should give Edward his letter and he can figure out for himself what he needs to do."

"He can go jump off a cliff," Alice muttered, begrudgingly handing me the letter. I couldn't stay here, tuning out the outraged thoughts of my family were becoming more to block. I need to see Carlisle, I ran from the room, only remembering to take a car when I was two miles from the house. It wouldn't help if I ruined our image in the town because I ran the ten miles from our house to the hospital.

* * *

_Dear Edward, _

_Goodbye, not forever just for now. I am sorry for leaving like this, but I think if I tried any other way you would have talked me out of it, you would have admit it, you always were good at that. Talking me out of things or into things. I just—I think with some time a part will help, I know you don't like to talk about it, but I can't keep quiet anymore. Each night I wonder if it will tonight that I find the perfect way to breach the subject, maybe you'll listen for once and maybe you'll accept, and not second guess me, not check people's minds because you don't think I'm telling you the truth._

The hallways of the hospital were clean, the smell of antiseptic mingled with the scent of dead blood. However, even the scent of fresh blood that emanated from several rooms couldn't tempt the blood lust. I stopped reading; I ripped the paper in two without finishing and shoved the remnants into my pocket. My reaction to her leaving was settling in, I was angry and hurt, angry that she'd left, hurt that she left without telling me in person. Carlisle was in his office, I didn't even bother to knock, just threw that door open listening to it crash into the wall with a dull thud. He sat there completely calm, and that made something inside me snap.

"Why," I hissed, I sincerely felt like flinging Carlisle's desk across the room were it not for the threat of human discovery I would have shredded it.

"Edward," Carlisle responded quite coolly. "Please take a seat."

"Do not try and placate me, why the hell did you help her?"

"I do not treat my children any different; when you wanted to leave did I confront you? Ask you why? Demand to know the specifics?" His topaz eyes fixed on me, and I hated him because he was telling me the truth. He never questioned, just gave, he understood and aided in anyway that he could, that was his way. Through all of this he was calm, always calm, perhaps if he wasn't I could stand to be mad at him, hate him, but I couldn't.

I refused to answer and simply sank into the chair. Though his words put the truth into my head, they did nothing to curb the pure sense of anger that Bella had left without even discussing it with me, nothing just—just a letter. "She shouldn't be out there alone, what if she kills someone?"

"What if she does? Will that change your relationship? Will it make you love her any less?" I had not considered it; I didn't want to consider it. I saw what Alice went through everyday worrying over what would happen if Jasper lost control—again. Feeling horrible about what Bella would go through and on top of that, there would be nothing that I could do for her. At least Alice had me to tell her how Jasper was doing, I would have nothing.

"Why," I couldn't get over that, why would Carlisle help her and not tell me. Why would she leave and not tell me.

"The answer you are looking for Edward is not one that I am qualified to give." He studied me, "The ticket I bought her was to—"

"Alaska, yeah I know, Rose told me."

"I did make one request of her when she asked to leave," he said.

I looked at him curious. "I asked that she take the cell phone from her bike and keep it with her. Just in case—" His voice drifted off into the air. "Now you have all of the information that you need." But I didn't feel like I did, in fact I felt even more confused now then, when I had walked into the room. I left there was nothing else to do; Carlisle had rounds to do though he offered to take the rest of the afternoon off if I still wanted to talk. I didn't want to talk, not with him anyway, Bella maybe, but not my father.

I refused to go home, the gloom that hung over the house had been enough to drive me to the hospital in the first place. I went back to the car, stupid really, while cars may have been Rosalie's plaything, all I really wanted to do right now was to run. Run clear my head, and if I admitted it to myself run toward Bella. I thought about what Carlisle said, and then it clicked cell phone. Each car had one, I dug around in the glove box tossing CD cases and other junk that had been stuffed in there until I cam up with the ting silver phone.

I dialed her number and waited, I doubted she would pick up but I still prayed she would. But it was her voice mail "Hey it's Bella I'm not available right now but leave a message and I may return your call." It was pointless to have the message but Bella had insisted on recording one. The happiness in her voice struck me, she hardly ever sounded like that anymore. What had been natural, was now forced. I waited for the beep, but was lost for words. What should I say? Part of my wanted to yell, another wanted me to ask her to come back, and yet another wanted to just to remain silent if she wasn't going to talk to me I wasn't going to talk to her. I clicked the phone shut and drove at top speed out of the parking lot.

A/N: thanks to all those who have review or will review


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